楚注：因其不争而天下莫能与之争

 

I've been blessed to have two long-term relationships in my life (the second of which I am still in).  I found both of these relationships when I had given up and was focused on other things.  My experience is that the best way to find love is to stop looking for it.
　　我很幸运地有过两段长期恋爱关系(第二次目前仍在继续).　我发现这两次都是在我放弃希望，并把注意力放在其它事物上发生的．我的经验是：最好的寻爱方法就是停止寻爱.

Well, that's not a very cheerful message for Valentine's Day, is it?  Actually, it's more hopeful than it sounds because I have never found desperation - be it in love or work - to yield positive results.  On the other hand, surrender has invariably worked for me.  The question is how to reach that state of surrender and how to view it in a positive way.
　　不过,这也许对情人节来说不是什么好消息,是不是呢? 实际上,这比听上去更有希望,因为在想要产生积极结果的时候我从不会绝望--无论是在对爱情,还是工作.另一方面,投降次次都对我有利.问题是如何达到那种投降的状态,如何积极地来看待.

When I say that I surrendered to the fact that I might not find that special someone and stopped looking, it sounds very passive.  But I didn't take to my bed, switch on the soaps, and order in pizza.  Quite the contrary.  Instead, I decided to focus on the activities that were fulfilling to me rather than desperately going on date after date with people I knew in my heart were not right for me.
　　当我说对:  我可能会找不到特别的那位---这样的"事实"投降,于是停止寻找,听上去很被动.但我不会在床上一倒,打开电视看电视剧,　然后点馅饼充饥. 完全相反地,我会决定把时间花在那些给我充实感觉的事情活动上,　不会一次次去和自己内心清楚不适合自己的人去约会.

Surrender is an active state.  When I surrender to not having romance in my life, I open myself up to other kinds of love.  When I was single, for example, I had closer friendships than I do now that so much of my attention is focused on my relationship.  While those friendships were different than romantic love, they were deeply fulfilling all the same.   
　　投降是一种积极的心态.当对自己生命中所追求的浪漫投降,就给了其它方式的爱情张开了臂膀. 在我单身的时候,比方说把, 就有着比现在已不是单身更加密切的友情,因为现在我太多的注意力都集中在我婚姻关系上.这些友情虽和浪漫爱情不同,但同样能带来深切的满足感.

Likewise, I was able to devote more time to helping other people as a single person.  Now that I have both my own family and my in-laws to contend with, life is very full and finding the time necessary to make a difference with volunteer activities is more challenging.   
　　同样,在我单身的时候, 能投入更多的时间来帮助别人. 目前我有了自己家庭和对方家庭要照顾,生活被塞的很满,要找必要时间参加志愿者活动就更加困难.

I had an extremely rich life as a single person.  When I accepted the idea that I might remain single, I was also quite happy.  My days were filled with work, friends, family, exercise, and spiritual activities.  Although I didn't know it at the time, this all probably made me more attractive as a potential mate because I was not operating out of fear; I am simply not at my best walking around thinking, "Oh my God, I'm alone.  I'm getting older.  I have to find someone."
　　在我单身的时候,我日子过的很充裕. 所以当我接受我或许还将单身下去的事实,我同样也很高兴. 我的日子都被工作,朋友,家庭,锻炼身体,以及精神活动所占满. 虽然当时没意识到这点,但由于我的表现不是出于将一直担心单身,所以可能是这一切使我看上去更有魅力,成为一个潜在的求爱对象.其实我只不过是不总走来走去不停的想"哦,老天,我孤苦伶仃,不断变老,得要去找个伴"

Some single folks will probably sneer at this advice.  "Easy for him to say now that he's found love!"  But I can only share what worked for me.  When I relaxed and saw what I already had, it became much easier to find what I wanted.  In fact, I didn't have to find it - it found me.
　　一些单身族们可能会嘲笑这个建议. "他找到了爱情,当然说起来轻巧" 的确,我只能分享对我有了效果的方法. 当我使自己放松,看到已拥有的,在去找我喜爱的,就要容易的多 .实际上,我不需去找爱----爱情自己会找上门来